Santa & Bunta

Disclaimer : Found this on a popular forum called "Technical Investor"

Santa Drunk To His Gills Falls From His 1st floor Balcony.
People Gather Around And Ask Him What Happened? Santa : I Don't Know, I Also Came Down Just Now!

 Santa Was Asked To Explain In English!

"Dukh Hamesha Sath Rehta Hai Magar Khushi Aati Jati Rehti Hai"

 Santa  : My Wife Is With Me But Her Sister Comes & Goes !!

Judge  : You Are Fined Rs.11,420.- For Rape..Bunta  : My Lord, Why Exactly Rs.11,420.-
Judge  : Rs.10,000/- For Rape, 10.2% Entertainment Tax..

Add To That Court Fees.

Bunta Singh Buys The Latest Automatic BMW X8 Sport.

He Drives The Car Perfectly Well During The Day, But At Night The Car Just
Won't Move At All.
He Tries Driving The Car At Night For A Week But Still No Luck.

He Furiously Calls The BMW Dealers And They Send Out A Technician To Assist Him.

The Technician Asks.. " Sir, Are You Sure You Are Using The Right Gears?"

Full Of Anger Bunta Replies "You Fool, Idiotic Man, How Could You Ask Such A Stupid Question.... 

I'm Not Stupid!!

I Use ' D' Gear For The Day And ' N ' Gear For The Night..."

                                     

Banta Singh Badly Wanted To Be Known And Remembered As A Great Man..

So After A Strenuous Research He Made A New Addition To ' Newton's Law Of Motion'

We All Desi's Are Requested To Vote For His Nomination For The 2012

Noble Prize In Physics For His... " New Theory Of Motion"....

Which Says..." A Loose Motion Can Never Be Done In Slow Motion". !

    

SANTA CONVERTED HIS REGULAT COMPUTER FROM 'DELL' TO 'APPLE'

 

Santa Sent An SMS To His Pregnant Wife Jasmeet...

One Minutes Later A Report Came On To His Phone...

Santa Started Dancing....

All Wondered Why...?

The Report Said, "DELIVERED".          

Santa Ko Nayee Ferrai Mein Dekh Kar.. 

Banta:- Wow Santa, kithon Litti..?

Santa : Mein Highway Te Lift Mung Reha Si... Ik Gori Mem Aayee Te..

Mennu Kendi.. "Want A Ride Mr. Singh"?
I Hopped In And She Took Me To The Woods. 

Once In The Woods She Got Outside Took Off Her Clothes And Said, "Mr Singh. Take Anything"Banta Is Quite Excited And Asks  "Fer Tu Ki Keeta"?Santa : Mein Te Gaddi Lai Layee..Banta : Changa Keeta... Ode Kapde Tenu Fit Bhi Nahi Aane Si...!!

                                           

Santa And Bunta Are Sitting In A Boat Fishing, And Drinking Beer..

Bunta  : I Think I'm Gonna Divorce Preeto,

She Ain't Spoken To Me In Over Two Months..

Santa Takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,

Better Think It Over Praji..Women Like That Are Hard To Find..!

                                          

Santa :  Praji..Please Close Your Curtains The Next Time You're

              Making Love To Preeto..

             The Whole Society Was Watching And Laughing At You Yesterday..!

Bunta  : Well The Joke's On Them Praji..

              Because I Wasn't Even Home Yesterday..!

                        

BUNTA'S REFRIGERATOR DOOR SHELF..!

Customer : I Want 2007 CalenderSanta       : Sorry Sir, You Are Too Late. We Have Only 1000 calendars Left

Suhagraat De Agle Din...Banto  :  Kal Raat Ki Hoya?Nikki   :  Pahle Ohna Ne Meri Chunni Utar Ke Kili Te Tang Ditti.Banto  :  Fer?Nikki   :  Fer Mera Kurta Kili Te,
               Fer Salwar Killi Te,
               Fer Bra Killi Te,
               Fer Panty Killi Te,Banto  :  Fer ?Nikki   : Fer Kya Killi Tut Gayi, 

Te O Bhen Da Yaar Sari Raat Killi Thokda Reha..!

Bus Conductor: Ticket, Ticket...!Bunta        :  Gives Two TicketsConductor :  Why Two?Bunta        :  If I Lose One, Another Will Be There..Conductor :  What If You Lose Both?Bunta        :  No Problem, I Have A Pass Too...! 

The Whole Sardar Community Is So Confused That .....
Anna Fasted For 13 Days, Didn't Eat Anything, Didn't Drink Anything,

Then Why Is He Shouting Over The Mikes..." Bill Laao, Bill Laao ?"
Saala ! Khaya Piya Kuchh Nahin, To Bill Kaheka...?

          

Santa Bought A New Colour TV.. And Immersed It In Water.

Friend  : Why Did You Do That..?Santa   : I Want To Check Whether Colour Goes Or Not!

Banta Buys SHAMPOO.Banta          : Iske Saath Jo Gift Hai Dey Do..!Dukandar    : Iske Sath Gift Nahe Hai..Banta          : Jhootay... Ispe Likha Hai " DANDRUFF FREE "

Jasmeet   :  Mera Beta Motorcycle Se Gir Gaya..Doctor      :  I Don't  Understand Hindi.. Can You Tell Me In English..?Jasmeet   :  My Londa Gironda From Hero Honda..!

Santa Looked In The Mirror And Started To Think..."Isko Kahin Dekha Hai... !!  Haan! Yaad Aaya....

Yeh To Wahi Kameena Hai Jo Mere Shaadi Ke Album Mein Hain... 

Mere Biwi Ke Saath..!!

          

The Sardar's Have Solved Their Own Fuel Problems In Punjab..

They Have Imported 50 Million Tonnes Of Sand From The Arab's

And They're Going To Drill For Their Own Oil.!

Santa Walks Into Banta Singh's Farm And See's Him Dancing Naked And Playing With Himself In Front Of A Tractor..

Santa  :   Praji.. What Are You Doing?"

Bunta  :  Well Me And Preeto Haven't Been Getting On In The Bedroom 

               Lately.. So My Therapist Recommended I Do Something To 

               Attracter..! 

          

Santa  :  Have You Ever Noticed That Gandhiji On Every Indian Currency

               Note Keeps Smiling, Whereas Franklin On American Currency

               Notes Never Smiles...

               I Wonder Why ?

Banta  :  Oye Khote, Tennu Enna V Nahi Pata...

              Amrikan Ladies Never Keep Their Currency In Their Bra.!

                                                        

Santa Was Very Happy After Taking Viagra..

He Tells His Buddy Bunta... "All Medicines Have Side Effect.

Only Viagra Has A Front Effect "

Santa Bought A Car On Loan... He Didn't Pay The Installment Dues,

The Bank Took Away His Car.Santa  : If I Knew Bank Policy.. I'd Have Taken A Loan For My Marriage Also !

                         

Santa Was Having Financial Problems... So He Decided To Kidnap A Child And Demand A Ransom.
He Went To A Local Park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.

'I have kidnapped your child. I am so sorry to do this but I need the money.
Leave Rs.10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big Pipal tree in the park at 7am.' Signed, 'Santa, The Kidnapper'
He pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, he returned to the park to find Rs.10,000 in a brown bag behind the

Pipal tree, just as he had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note.'Here is your money. But I cannot believe that one Sardar would do this to another.'

          

Haryana Times : Yesterday A Two Seater Plane Crashed In A Graveyard In Punjab...

Local Sardars Have So Far Found 500 Bodies And Are Still Digging For More.

          

To Help With The Nations Harvest Economy, Punjab Government Announced

Rs. 50,000.00 To Every Family With 5 Children Per House Hold.

Santa Had 4 Children, So He Confides To His Wife Jasmeet..Meri Girlfriend Preeto

Se Mera Ek Bachcha Hai..Usey Le Aata Hoon..Total 5 Ho Jayenge..Aur Government

Ki Taraf Se Hume Bhi Rs. 50,000.00 Mil Jayenge..! Santa Preeto Se Bachcha Leke Ghar Aaya Aur Us Ne Jasmeet Se Puchha..

Jitender Aa Gaya Hai... Maninder, Surinder, Rajender Aur Virender Kahan Hain?

Jasmeet ....Jis Jis Ke They..Woh Le Gaye..! 

People should learn to love animals... They are so tasty...